Mutual Feelings
by sarroush
Summary: As she aimlessly walked around Magnolia, her mind drifted off to recent events. Thinking of a certain redhead and her fight against Kyouka, Lucy realized that the only other time she'd seen Erza so afraid...was in the Tower of Paradise. Er/Lu oneshot!


**A/N** : Hey there! I was meaning to make another ErLu oneshot but it took a while to figure out what to write about. With the Tartarus Arc's end , I got the idea for this one. It's pretty short, but I hope you enjoy.

* * *

She didn't know where her legs were taking her, and she didn't care. As she walked through the streets of Magnolia, all she could feel was emptiness. The guild had disbanded. Her family was scattering. No one had fought to protect it. Why? Why hadn't anyone fought? Why hadn't they defied Makarov more? Why did Natsu have to go and leave like that? For once, couldn't he be selfless? Did he even think about everyone else?

She shook her head. She was upset, but she didn't have the energy to scream, to yell. She was frustrated, but there was nothing she could do. She was lonely. So lonely. A hole was beginning to form in her heart. She didn't know how to stop it. How could you? The people you considered family were leaving and there was nothing you could do. How else would you feel?

Rummaging through her skirt's pocket, she took out two pieces of a key. As she looked down at the golden items, pain soared through her chest. She missed her. She wondered if she'd ever see her again. After all was said and done, in the end, she felt guilty. She had broken her spirit's key to summon the Celestial King. Sure, she didn't have much of a choice, and Aquarius had attempted to act as though she hated her to make it all easier, but it hadn't been easy. Lucy knew full well how much Aquarius cared for her. The mermaid was there when her mother had passed away, and though she'd had moments where she was strict or a borderline bully, Lucy knew full well the mermaid loved her. Being without her first spirit broke her immensely. One day, one day she knew they would be reunited, but until that day came, part of the hole in her heart would be because of her missing Celestial Spirit.

She let out a shaky sigh, attempting to stop herself from crying. She wasn't the only one who'd lost someone. At least Aquarius was still alive. What about the Dragon Slayers? What kind of pain and sadness were they going through? She shook her head. What was the point of thinking of who they'd lost? They should've been thinking of who they'd saved. Who was still alive.

That was when she noticed it. As she lifted her head to the sky, she saw that she was standing in front of a familiar building. Fairy Hills. Why had her feet taken her there? She swallowed, looking down at the broken key.

"You don't have the guts," she thought Aquarius would say. Or, "You can't land a guy so you go for girls." Though she may have been hurt if she'd heard it any other time, if Aquarius had made fun of her now, she wouldn't care. She'd have loved to hear the blue haired spirit's voice just one more time. But no. That didn't matter at the moment. What mattered was what she was thinking of earlier. Those who were still alive were what mattered.

Erza hadn't given them any details as to what had happened to her while a captive of Tartarus. All Lucy knew was that Lisanna and Natsu had found her and that she was okay. But there was something off when Lucy had seen her fighting Kyouka. Though Erza's eyes were filled with hatred and anger, they were also filled with fear. She hadn't been able to pinpoint the reason, but she felt as though Erza had become afraid of Kyouka. She couldn't blame her as the demon was fairly intimidating and frightening, but this was Erza Scarlet. The only other time Lucy had seen Erza so afraid was in the Tower of Paradise.

Just remembering that day made her heart ache. Erza. The woman she admired, the woman she loved. The one who was so fiercely loyal and strong. She had been broken on that day and Lucy had promised herself that she would never let Erza feel that way again. Had she failed? Had she failed to protect Erza? Could she even protect her? She was weak. She had to sacrifice one of her closest and oldest friends because she wasn't strong enough to beat her opponent. What made her think she could protect Erza? So why? Why was she in front of Fairy Hills? Was Erza even there anymore? It had only been a day since the guild disbanded but a lot of people had already left. She didn't know what to do. Should she go in? What if Erza was there? What was she going to do? What if she wasn't? What if the entire dorm was empty?

No. She shook her head, put the broken key in her pocket and slapped herself to snap out of it. She'd go in, and whatever she found, she found. It mattered not. Taking in a deep breath, she walked in. A deafening silence filled the dorm but something was calling to her. As she made it up the stairs, she stood in front of the door leading to Erza's room.

The lights were on.

* * *

She woke up drenched in sweat, tears staining her cheeks. How long was she supposed to live through it? She thought she'd moved on, but clearly she hadn't. Though Jellal's little speech had helped calm her, helped her remain in the light, the nightmares didn't stop. Being chained, being tortured for information she didn't have...She couldn't take it anymore. Why was she the one who had to experience that kind of pain? Why was she the one targeted? Just because she'd been close to Jellal? That meant nothing.

Wrapping her body more deeply in the bed covers, she held herself tight. She was terrified and she didn't know how to stop it. The only person she wanted to ask for help, she couldn't. She'd failed her. She'd failed Lucy. The blonde had to sacrifice one of her closest friends to save them because Erza was too weak to do anything about it. It pissed her off. Why? Why did Lucy have to lose something? Why wasn't Erza strong enough to protect her?

She wanted to hold Lucy. Apologize. But she was probably too late. Fairy Tail had disbanded and for whatever reason, Erza didn't bother questioning Makarov too much. He must have had his own reasons for doing what he did and she'd respect them. Lucy must've left Magnolia by now. And though the thought of being without the celestial mage tore at Erza's heart, she knew every member of her family had things they needed to accomplish themselves. Whatever Lucy's goals were, Erza would support them no matter what.

She hadn't confessed her feelings to the blonde and now, she didn't think she had a right to. She'd failed so many times in protecting her that she wondered if she could even call herself her friend. No. It didn't matter. She'd be leaving Magnolia soon anyways. She sighed. Sleeping in armor was painful, but she had become insecure and frightened once again. She had to feel safe in some shape or form and this was the only thing that came to mind.

She closed her eyes, thinking of the blonde. Of her smile, her laugh, her resolve, her strength. Though Erza may have been physically stronger than Lucy, without a doubt, she had nothing on the blonde when it came to emotional strength. She wanted to see her one more time before leaving town. But how? What made her so sure that Lucy was even in Magnolia to begin with?

An uncomfortable feeling sore through her lower body as she clutched onto a pillow, whimpering, "Why now?" Was that the reason she was being emotional? That was entirely possible. She sighed again. She needed to get up, but she was too exhausted, both mentally and physically. All she wanted to do was stay in bed, sleep, and never wake up again. It wasn't that she wanted to die. No. It was just that a week had gone by since Tartarus had been defeated. A week had gone by since the person responsible for her nightmares had been killed by Minerva. And yet...It wasn't enough. Though Kyouka was gone, though she could never hurt Erza again, the redhead still had nightmare after nightmare, having been unable to sleep properly ever since.

Her mind kept rotating between her failures. She had been captured, she had been tortured, she'd let Lucy sacrifice Aquarius because she'd been too weak to do anything else. She hadn't been able to protect Lucy. All of these had happened in a day. Her failures had accumulated so much that she didn't think it possible to make up for them. What about the times before Tartarus' attack? The times like when Phantom Lord attacked and Lucy was captured? Or the time she ended up putting her in danger because of her past? Or more recently when she couldn't save Lucy the heartbreak of her father's loss?

Fresh tears began staining her cheeks once again as the pain got stronger. She had to stop thinking. She was unnecessarily emotional. All she had to do was try and get a few hours of rest before heading out and figuring out what to do without a guild behind her. Maybe, just maybe, leaving the lights open would make the nightmares stop, she thought as she turned on the lights, illuminating her room. She squinted a bit at the brightness but her eyes adjusted quickly.

That's when she heard a soft knock on her door. Who was it? It didn't matter. "Go away," she whispered, holding onto her pillow in fetal position. Of course, no one would be able to hear it. As the doorknob slowly turned and the door opened, Erza was grateful they hadn't heard it. She would never tell Lucy to go away.

* * *

She knocked gently, but received no response. The lights were on, so someone had to be in there right? Unless Erza had forgotten to turn them off. Lucy had nothing to lose, so she slowly turned the doorknob and opened the door.

What she found shocked her. Erza, in her armor, was in bed, holding a pillow tightly in fetal position as she was looking at Lucy, with puffy watery eyes. The blonde's eyes widened, unsure what to make of the scene in front of her.

"Erza?" She whispered.

The redhead looked away, not wanting to show weakness. She didn't feel she had any right to show Lucy her vulnerabilities. It was Lucy who had lost a friend, not her.

Unexpectedly, her bed dipped. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Lucy had sat down, her back towards the knight.

"I thought you'd left," she smiled sadly, unseen by Erza.

"Tomorrow," the blonde heard a sniffle as she felt the other woman adjust herself behind her.

"Erza...I won't ask what happened. I just...I'm-"

She was interrupted by a very quiet, "Forgive me." Hearing those words shocked her. She'd never expected Erza to apologize. Why on earth was she asking for forgiveness to begin with? Before she could turn around, two strong arms wrapped themselves around her waist, the redhead resting her head on the blonde's shoulder.

Lucy's scent helped her calm down as she spoke, "Because of me. Because I wasn't strong enough to deal with the enemy, you lost Aquarius. If I hadn't been captured, if I hadn't been weak, you would still have her with you now. Lucy, I'm so sorry."

Though she could feel some of Erza's warmth, her back was hitting uncomfortable armor. She swallowed and took in a deep breath as she moved in Erza's grasp and turned around, her legs wrapped around the redhead's waist, her arms on each shoulder.

"If you don't hold me tight, I'll end up falling on my back," she chuckled quietly, as they looked at each other.

Removing one of her hands from the other woman's shoulder, she traced her armor, placing a hand over the redhead's heart. "What did they do to you?" She whispered, her eyes beginning to water. Erza. Her Erza. The strongest mage she knew was broken once again. She was hiding behind her armor, and Lucy had no idea what to do.

Clinging onto the older woman's armor with both her hands, she placed her head on her chest and began sobbing quietly.

"Lucy," Erza whispered, placing a hand on the younger girl's head, the other holding her in place by her waist. She took in a deep breath. No. This wasn't right. She couldn't be the reason Lucy was crying. She wouldn't be. Closing her eyes, she let out the breath she was holding in, and requipped into her pajamas, clearly catching Lucy by surprise.

"Nothing that can't be healed," she let out a small smile as the blonde looked at her.

Lifting her hand, Lucy gently cupped the older mage's cheek, the other leaning into her touch, her eyes closed. "I'm sorry."

Hearing the blonde's apology, Erza opened her eyes.

"You 're not to blame, Erza. If I had been stronger to begin with, the fight with Jackal wouldn't have taken as long as it did. We'd have gotten our information sooner, and you would have never had to go to the ex-Chairman's house alone with Mira. If I wasn't so weak, you wouldn't have been captured. I couldn't protect you at all. In the end, I couldn't save you or Aquarius. I-"

Before she could continue, a pair of lips landed on hers. Though surprised at first, she quickly melted into the kiss, returning it. It was soft, short and sweet, but at that moment, it was enough for the both of them. Feeling Erza's lips on hers had helped her calm down. As they parted, both were blushing, with smiles on their faces.

Nothing needed to be said afterwards. They had both conveyed it. Neither blamed the other and neither wanted the other to blame themselves. That was enough for the two of them. While both had been scarred in some way by these events, in the end, they had found each other, and to them? That was all that mattered.

Though they would go their separate ways once the sun came up, each having new goals, they were confident they would see each other again. Before that day came, both silently vowed to become stronger. Strong enough to never let the other worry, strong enough to protect her and strong enough to never see her cry again.

But for now, they'd sleep, dreaming only of each other.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading! R &R is appreciated! I may write a smut sequel to this taking place after the 1yr skip.


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